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4½years

So I'm gonna break down as I don't.on Facebook cuz I can't open up to many on there. Me and my fiance Jane been together 4½years and we've been talking about kids the last 2years before my dad passed away (back story my dad fought 4 years on aggressive small cell lung cancer he Passed April 11, 2012 he was 59 I wanted him to see his grand child. I and my fiance haven't.been yeuing but haven't tried not to I have had many scares late a week or more but still nothing I love him ahold much he has a daughter and I know he's scares that it will be the same as his ex but I love this man with all my heart I couldn't imagine being with out him but I'm scared that I can't have kids its not that times haven't.occurred I've been off and on birth control pills and shot since 16 I know that some have had problems but I'm at a loss right now its the one thing I want but seems out olds my grip I'm sorry having a moment ans releasing cuz I can't in fb but here I open more I'd love more than anything to have a child if my own my dads name my loves child were talking more and more olds trying but were not exactly financialy stable but its never a right Tom's to have lids as I see life now days with the world but I just hope that nothing is wrong with me.even of its a few more years just scared as crap I don't discuss this with my friends family only one who knows my fears is him. Wish me luck I feel so out of place and lost I guesx I'm loosening it :(