Stuck in a box of hurt

Untold Stories Stuck In A Box Of Hurt Deal With It Only Half My Heart Beats She Stays Strong For Everyone Miss Her Miss Him Silent Screams All Dressed Up, Nowhere To Go Selfportrait my first heartbreaking moment was holding my beautiful youngest daughter & have to watch her fight for her last breath. They said she would slip away. They said it would be painless. They said she would be at peace. She didn't. She tried to stay. She wanted to live. My tears for her keep flowing as her blood fills my lap. And it all goes black. My heart still beats because I have two other daughters & I meet my soul mate, my everything, the one. He lifts us all. He is our hero. He is not perfect, he, like me, has his darkside but he has endured a longer fight than me & does the unthinkable. My heart smashes into pieces, I can see the police woman's lips move & I can hear a woman screaming desperately. My girls come through & I realise I'm the screamer as my eldest, who's 13th birthday it was, pulled me off the floor. How could he take his own breath away when she had fought so hard to keep hers? It all goes black. I now understand both. Being then blamed & viscously attacked I stayed firm for my girls. That was three years ago. They see a warrior but I don't. Because inside I am ready to go but my time isn't up yet, my job as their mother isn't done. Sometimes I feel guilt for feeling happy, sometimes I feel guilt for feeling sad, I feel useless because I couldn't save them but most of all, I feel blessed for still having my girls & being lucky in comparison to other people across the world. And I'm humbled by that. Life is precious. :) The Portraitist - 2016 EyeEm Awards Powerful Portrait Of A Woman Missing Him Vulnerability  Strength And Mind Set Creative Photography Self Portrait The Human Condition Rebelpunk Hidden Beauty Mindfulness IPhoneography Women Over 40 Woman